Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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