I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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