This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
