Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
3pm strippers are depressing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
