Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
