he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
