I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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