it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
