where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My life is pants optional.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
