fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
