I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
