My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
