maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
