Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
