i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
not ubering you a puppy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
