i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
