i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
