Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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