Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my shit smells like andre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
