You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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