You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
