My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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