I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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