You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
