Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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