If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
