So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
