Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
