Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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