I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
