it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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