rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
