thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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