maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
