i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
