Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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