i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
