just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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