Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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