I'm really into asian looking animals
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your cock deserves a montage
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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