I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
