I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
