So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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