Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
