You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
