I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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