No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The uberlube is also flammable
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
