i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
