i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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