You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
