dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
did you just send me my own nude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
