The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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