Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
