if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
