Don't make out with my wife yet
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
