the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
