you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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